I can smell the honeysuckle through my open window this evening. The air is cool but a little thick, making for summer clothes. The breeze of my ceiling fan is mingling with that of outside, making tiny eddies of cold spots as I move about my room. The music is on and the mood is...changeable.
I can literally go from feeling low to feeling alright within the space of a shower, the space of a conversation, the space of a deep breath. Irritability can change into acceptance in a minute or five or ten. And this is what has been sustaining me through this transition period that I've been going through for the last few months. A friend of mine pointed out the other day that I was like a tornado, constantly changing my mind day to day, week to week. What do I want to do? Do I want to join the Peace Corps or do I want to get a dog? Do I want to move home next spring or move somewhere else? Do I want to get a relatively high paying job for 40 hours a week or go back to school? Or both?
What I do know is this. I need money to get my writing out into the world, or at least to help pave the way. I need to begin making plans for my future. I need to get a dog, because I've always wanted one.
Another thing that I've realized is that working in a grocery store deli is a practice in patience and tolerance. Some days I'm not sure I'm actually in the real world when I'm there, as the characters are often as colorful as a comic book or a sitcom. It is a good practice for me, tolerance and acceptance. Often times I catch myself being too judgmental of my fellow homo-sapiens, and I don't like that.
When I'm not at the grocery store or resting my tired feet at home, I've been enjoying North Carolina lots. Springtime here is amazing, and I've been soaking it up. With some company, of course. Mostly involving dachshunds.
This is a view of the Parkway. And a dog on a trash bin.
Notice all the pretty little white flowers on this stream? Also, this is exactly what Scotland looks like. It's no wonder that so many Scots settled in this area.
Thomas and Dali and I climbed a mountain, and this was a view from the top
She was quite the explorer
Just like her Auntie Shanti
Cool rocks no?
North Carolina magnificence
My friend Joel and I investigated some incredible caverns...
They were very wet and cooly lit
And this looked just like something innately feminine, and I thought it was very cool
This was the latest hike that Thomas and Dali and I went on, and there were lots of waterfalls to see. We stopped to have a snack at this one.
And when I saw the covered bridge, we had to find it. So we did.
Peekaboo
Pretty sky in this water
So you see, while at times I feel lost and confused and afraid, there is always the balance to look forward to. Sunshine and greenery and exercise and caverns and views and dachshunds and friends.
Shanti Elena
I'm very glad that you're able to see how beautiful western North Carolina is and that you enjoy your time here. I think you're going to go far in life and anyone who has met you should count themselves lucky.
ReplyDeleteThank you Joel, what a cool thing to say! :)
DeleteShanti, When I was in my twenties a friend told me, "you think too much". At the time I thought that was about the dumbest thing anyone could say. All these years later I totally understand that. "Thinking too much" maybe be true of you as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are a gifted writer, you describe the turbulence, indecision, as well as the joy of your life experience. Believe me when I say you could be writing the history of my mental experience of life.
Never give up on yourself, never lose confidence you will end up where you need to be if only by chance, enjoy these moments. Be brave!
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself and your adventures and of course for the dachshund pics.
Joanne, you always know the right things to say to make me feel less alone and stronger than I do on my own. Bless you my dear friend, and have you thought about taking up the pen yourself? You're not to shabby of a writer either! xoxo
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