What is up my people? Here I am, late at night, ready again to bare my soul so that I can try to find some peace.
Who among you has tried this current climate of online dating? Do you Tinder? OK Cupid? Coffee and Bagel? Match.com? EHarmony? Bumble? Plenty of Fish? Did you know I've tried ALL OF THESE? And what have I to show for it, you may ask. With as much time, effort, groans, and swipes as I've put in, you'd think I'd be a pro at this madness. I am getting better. And by better I mean so jaded that I don't know if love is even a thing anymore.
It's not all bad, I suppose. There's the initial rush of getting a message from the random dude. Maybe he actually has something interesting to say. Maybe he can spell and use punctuation. Maybe he makes sense. Check check check. Maybe he even asks you out without you having to do all the work of asking him and then picking the place and the time and all the things. Maybe.
And then he gets wasted and gropes you and tells you how good you smell with his rank beer breath suffocating you and all you want the man to do is shoot the friggin pool ball! It's your turn asshole! (I did beat him at pool, just fyi. And left shortly thereafter.)
Most of the dudes I meet are broken. Financially, physically, emotionally, you name it. And I get it, everyone is a little bit broken. I definitely have some jagged bits. But there's only so much broken I can take. And I DO NOT want to fix anyone. I'm not here to save you. I've tried that a couple times, it doesn't work.
My confusion is the way people act on these things. And how important sex is. I know it's important, but it's very all consuming in the majority of situations online. And maybe I'm a prude, but if you ask me what kind of underwear I like to wear, what position I like the best, and when the last time I had sex with someone was before I've even shaken your hand, it's an automatic turn off/creep out for me. And this stuff happens ALL THE TIME.
I've been doing this off and on for five years now. And I'm so tired, you guys. There are two camps when I say this:
First camp: Stop looking and he'll show up. You're trying too hard. Let it happen naturally. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. And so on.
Second Camp: Just keep going. He's out there somewhere. You have to meet a lot of toads before you meet the prince. Don't give up. Have you tried this website?
I'm a little of both camps. I'd love for fate to play a part, to just have the dude of my dreams fall in my lap. But I don't meet dudes. Like, ever. I work swing shift. I don't go out for happy hour. The majority of my friends are married and don't like to go out anymore. They like to stay in. And most everyone they know are taken. And so I feel like if I don't keep putting myself out there online it's tantamount to giving up. And I don't want to give up. I'm a friggin romantic damn it! I want all the cuddles, kisses, companionship, laughter, blushing, teasing, partnership stuff that's to be had.
And so. I battle this on the regular. The jaded, cynical swiping warring with the hopeful, maybe this time please this time excited puppy dance. It really depends on the day which way I'm leaning.
What I do know is that I'm a great person, that people like me, that I'm a catch. So, as the gropey wasted guy kept asking, "how am I still single?"
Because I keep meeting dudes like you. Next.
Peace, love, and romance
Shanti Elena
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